"April, April, doesn't know what it wants. It rains and snows, it freezes and thaws, April, April doesn't know what it wants."
A translation of a little song we used to sing in preschool when I was six. And it's been so true for this last week. Sunshine and birdsong, wind and snow, warmth and ice... I've been feeling it in my body, and I know I'm not the only one. I can tell when the snow is coming in most cases, and I can tell if the sky is heavy and gray before I look out through the window. I know, I know... I really should stop talking about pain in every post, but you see that's pretty much all that is going on in my life right now. Some days are better, I was able to get out and cut some old branches from one of my black currant bushes one day, and even do some house cleaning another day. But then there are days when it hurts whatever I try to do. I don't even think about sewing or crocheting these days, since it feels like I could never ever use my arms again. :) OK, maybe not that much pain, but it's exhausting to be soooo tired and a little aching all the time. It doesn't have to hurt much, if it hurts all the time.
I spend most of my time on the bed or on the couch, if you were wondering. Cuddling with my stripy crochet pillow under a lovely, warm blanket in granny squares from my husband's home, looking out through the window so long that the spring light blinds me and I have to feel my way around when I have to do something in the house. :) Maybe not quite, but almost. I love watching the birds out in the trees, and see the branches moving in the wind. And I love when the sun shines on my little plants. I try to focus on the good things, enduring this tired body of mine for a while. Just accepting the pain and not thinking about it too much.
My boy sold seeds this spring, which arrived in the mail the other day. Lots of lovely little bags full of flower seeds and vegetables-to-be. I long to get out in the garden and start growing them. But it'll have to wait. Hopefully the weather will settle soon, and hopefully I'll get better too when it does. I now there will be better days. There always are. Only, today isn't one of them. They say snow is coming, and I believe it! So let it snow, I say, so all of us rheumatic weather sensitive people can move around as we would like to again! Please!?